February 27, 2011

A Diary of a Broken Heart

I cleaned my entire wardrobe a week ago. And you know that feeling where you find something that you own but you have completely forgotten about it and when you come across it, you think..
"Oh my days! I dont remember hiding that thing there!"
You feel that impression of serenity, happiness, sadness.. or you just dont know how to feel. Well I had that.
I found this box where I've kept all the letters, cards, gifts that Ive received from family, friends, childhood memories and past lovers. One of the things I found was my Diary! Since Grade III, Ive been writing a diary till I was about High School! Lol (Untill my dad read it.. I was traumatised!) My whole life was written on there!

When I had my heart broken for the first time.. I did not know how to cope. Instead, I wrote it. I thought to myself, what if isulat ko lahat ng nararamdaman ko araw araw sa loob ng isang buong taon, then i’d be able to read it when I am healed, and see my journey from a new point of view, from denial to anger to bitterness to hope to healing (or whatever jumbled order you’ve experienced in your own love life) and maybe, it might be able to help future broken hearts out there.
So I did.
But I never got round to the borderline of finishing it.

(from the words of Miss Bianca Gonzales)

Those times when you think.. 

Those times when you realise..
 Those moments when you're like..
And those times when there is only one thing left to say.. 
 So that..

Ben & Jerry's Ice Cream - Perfect for broken hearted people out there ;)

Siguro dahil sa sobrang sakit, kapag naiisip kong magsulat, nananalo na lang yung kagustuhan kong magmukmok sa isang tabi. Imbis na mag-effort pa ako na mag-isip at magpagod, ginusto ko na lang na wala na lang akong intindihin. hanggang sa lumipas ang mga linggo, mga buwan, i went through all kinds of emotions (na slightly nakakabaliw talaga yung iba ha!) Until one day, I was okay.

Having said all that, Ive heared some of the most saddening break-up stories the past weeks or so, Ive had my best friend running up to me crying because of a break up, friends asking me for advice.. on chat, text and Facebook! Allow me to try to reconstruct a few of the things i’ve learned in life, and love, that might help that broken heart of yours or of someone you know.


Kapag brokenhearted ka.. no advice said to you will make you feel better. None. As in. Wala. Kahit ano, walang effect. Kapag brokenhearted ka, the only thing that you think will make you feel better is if the one you love will say they love you too. But they won’t. (in some cases, they won’t ever, but in some, they won’t just for this point in time.) hugs will comfort you, concerned texts will make you smile, but no amount of advice will make you feel better.. unless! Unless you decide to let it make you feel better. Don’t be pressured though to follow everyone’s advice. kanya-kanya lang yan. Of the one hundred cliché lines thrown at you at an attempt to make you feel better, most will not make you feel better (in fact, some will make you feel worse), but there will be a few major lines (not necessarily given by those closest to you, mind you) that will speak to you and touch your heart and soothe your soul. those pieces of advice, you hold on to.


A broken heart will wake up some days so unbelievably hopeless and wanting to just stay in bed all day. Some will even go all out in saying they want to die (but of course you don’t really want to die, right?) a broken heart will wake up some days feeling somewhat rested and peaceful, but with a slight fear that they might encounter something that day that will bring back all the pain. Whatever mood the broken heart wakes up in, one thing remains. it’s a broken heart. and this may sound cheesy or false to some, but there is only one thing that can heal all things broken. our Lord and personal savior, Jesus Christ . When your heart is peaceful, give thanks. when your heart is troubled, still give thanks and ask for deliverance. When your heart is shattered into a million pieces, still give thanks, and ask that you may learn whatever life lesson it is that He wants you to learn. In both high and low, give thanks, because it is one of the surest things in life that God only works for the good of those who love Him.


Don’t be pressured! for some it takes weeks. For some, months. For some, years! Of course no one likes the pain that a broken heart brings. (its pain like no other! araaay talaga grabe!) But, you have to go through it. There is no short cut, there is no other way. Go through it. Go and let it out. Cry before you sleep, cry when you wake up, cry in the bathroom, cry to your friends. Lock yourself in the room, stay in bed all day, don’t talk to anyone for hours, make senti all you want. Do it all. Don’t let anybody stop you. (but don’t let it get in the way of school or work or the things you have to do either! okay? okay.) Feel all those yucky, disgusting, heart-shattering feelings, curl it all up into this unbelievably sad ball, and one day, when you are ready, throw it out the window. It will happen for you. i know you feel it won’t, that the day you will be okay will never come, but it will. have faith, it will.
let me stop at this third point and end by saying that i’ve felt all those feelings of hopelessness and worthlessness that you might be feeling right now. and, honestly, so have thousands, and millions of other people around you. It sucks. It really does. But hey. Nobody said that it would be easy, but nobody said that you have to do it alone.

All this i share with pure sincerity from the bottom of my happy heart, to your soon-to-be happy heart! :)